Do I Look Fat In These PANTS?
by E arth. K id. T ree. H ugger
Summary: Sequel to Fangs For The Snog. The Ace Gang and Barmy Army are going to Lederhosen-a-gogo Land and Swisscheese-a-gogo Land on a joint school trip. Meanwhile Dave's cousin rates Gee, Dave's depressed and Jas is as voley as ever. GXD
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: Omygod omygod omygod!**_

_**I'm soooo sorry! I've like ignored Fangs for the Snog cos the first was over! But here is the first chappy of the sequel, Do I Look Fat In These PANTS? Here's Dave's POV.**_

_**It's kinda confusing, cos it's only what he did that he thought he'd never do, and that's pretty much it in this chapter. BUT I was asked that a few times, and if I get enough reviews, you'll get the first bit of the actual plot. Not that this isn't the plot, but you know what I mean.**_

_Poor Jas._

_I can relate to her._

_And then I did something I thought I'd never do._

I rang Jas.

Yes, I actually rang Jazzy Spazzy, Queen of the Voles, destined for a career in the radio.

Most likely on nature.

Or a gossip radio, since whenever she's told anything, everyone else hears about it.

Anyway, the point is, I rang Jas.

"Hello?"

"Jas?"

"Yes, who is this? It sounds like Dave, but I don't think he'd ring me."

She's got that right.

However, it is me.

"It's Dave."

"Why are you ringing me?"

She sounds surprised.

"I need help."

"Well then, could you at least be polite about it? You're just as bad as Georgia. What do you need help on? Oh! Tom told me he told you about the awesome biology experiment he and I did the other day, did you want to know how to do it? Well, it's simple. What you do is – "

Is she _mental_?

I couldn't care the least about some stupid, dumb, idiotic, nerdy science experiment.

"Jas. I'm not ringing you to ask about blodge. I rang for HELP. Not how to do a chemistry experiment."

"It's biology. Chemistry is the study of substances. Biology is the study of living things. And physics is – "

Oh, rave on, rave on.

"Jas! I don't care. I need HELP."

"I can see that you do. Would you like me to tutor you? Then maybe you'd do better in school."

She did _not _just say that.

She didn't, did she?

Oh she is going DOWN.

Or not, because then she won't help me.

"No, Jas. I'm talking about my ANNOYING cousin."

"Oh, you mean _Dimitri_."

I could hear venom in her voice when she said his name.

"So you don't like him much at the moment either, do you?"

"Dave, I've _never _liked Dimitri."

Then, as an after thought, she added "No offence."

"None taken. We're at war at the moment. He's trying to steal Gee from me."

I can't believe I'm telling Jas all of this.

It'll be broadcasted on Jas Radio as soon as I've hung up the phone.

"Dave, he's ALWAYS been trying to steal Gee from me. Gee and I were best friends and then as soon as she met Dimitri, I was immediately dropped."

You know, I feel really bad for Jas.

"Jas, I'm sorry."

"For teasing me about my owls that time a couple of weeks ago? You know, that's not easily forgiven."

What?

Where did she get owls from?

Good grief.

She's mental.

In a not good way.

"No, Jas, I'm sorry that Dimitri stole Gee from you."

There was a silence for a minute until Jas said, "Yeah. Me too. I'm sorry that he's stealing her from you, too. And you know what the bad part is?"

I think I know the bad part.

I think I know my own cousin is trying to steal the girl that I lurve.

I'll humour her though.

"What?"

"He'll probably succeed, too. She loves you, I know that much, but she's loved you ever since the fish party, and yet she's still chased after Sex God's and Luurve God's because of their looks."

"That's _merde_."

"You can say that again."

"That's _merde._"

Jas laughed.

"You know, Dave, you really are a Laugh. Even when you're really upset – and I know you are – you can still make people laugh. I hope you keep it up – you'll need it to get Gee back. If that's even possible."

Yeah.

If that's even possible.

And it probably isn't.

I feel really really angry and actually, quite depressed right now.

_**A/N: I know it's short, but this scene can't really be continued much. And don't worry, Dave should be his usual laughy self soon enough – he's a Laugh, he can't stay depressed long. Anyway, you know where the review button is. And it really REALLY wants to be pressed.**_

_**X)**_


	2. Say Something!

_**A/N: …Well… I'm supposed to be studying for chemistry or doing my phys ed assignment, but cos I'm nice I'll write you guys a chapter now**_

Last time – i.e. the very last Fangs for the Snog chapter

_He's never mean._

_Ever._

_I'm gonna ignore that though and tell him my news._

"_No – I mean, yes, but I always pass. The news is that Stalag 14, and Foxwood are going to Lederhosen-a-gogo and Swisscheese-a-gogo for two weeks!"_

He didn't say anything.

**1 minute later**

He's still not saying anything…

Come on, Dave – say something!

**20 seconds later**

He suddenly grinned and said, "Ah, das ist ja so toll! Findest du nicht, Gee?"

So he finally decides to speak, then.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again, HOW CAN HE SWITCH FROM UNLAUGH TO LAUGH SO QUICKLY?!

But more to the point… what exactly did he say, cos I really didn't understand a single word.

Actually, I tell a lie.

I _did _understand some of the words, like 'du' and 'das ist' , which limits me to 'you' and 'that is'.

"Dave, what exactly did you say in German?"

"Well, what I said was this: 'Ah, das ist ja so toll! Findest du nicht, Gee?"

I asked him what he said, not to repeat it!

Good grief he's annoying.

"Dave, please translate to Billy Shakespeare language. I didn't understand it and you said it in German again."

"Yes, because you said, 'what did you say, IN GERMAN?', so I said it in German again. But if you want I'll say it in Billy Shakespeare language."

I swear Dave was put on this earth just to annoy me.

Seriously.

"Oh-eth, that-eth is-eth just-eth brilliant-eth. Thinkest thou not, Mistress Nicolson?"

"Dave, I MEANT PLAIN ENGLISH!!"

He looked hurt. "Well why didn't you say so?"

I just gave him a look.

He grinned and said, "Oh that's just so great, don't you think, Gee?"

Finally! Hallelujah, hallelujah, halle-hey-lu-lu-jahhhhhhh!

"Yes, it's vair fabby! Especially since we get out of school for two weeks!!"

**At home**

I wonder why Dave was being an Unlaugh before.

He snapped out of it quickly though, so hopefully it wasn't anything too bad.

He was his usual laughy self when we were walking home, and when we got to my gate he gave me a big hug and said, "Ring me up when you're packing for our school trip, and I'll help you. Bring all your stuff over to mine and we can pack together."

I nodded and said okay.

**1 minute later**

God, I'm so vair bored.

I feel like reading, but because I don't read much I don't actually have any books really.

Apart from Don't _Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens_, and _Men Are From Mars, Women Are From_ _Venus_, and _How to Make Any Twit Fall in Love with You_.

I don't feel like reading any of those, I feel like reading a novel.

Which I don't own.

All there is to read is the letter we were given telling us the details of our school trip.

**5 minutes later**

Apparently we leave in one week.

Which really doesn't leave me much packing time.

But I can't go and pack now, since Dave's probably busy.

Since tomorrow is Saturday, I'll see if we can pack together tomorrow.

**Ringing Dave **

"Sexy Hornmeister speaking, how can I help you?"

"Hello not-sexy Hornmeister, are you free tomorrow?"

"Of course you think I'm sexy, Gee. You know you do. And maybe, I'll just go and check my diary. Just a sec."

He has a diary?

That is just S-A-D (A/N: no offence to all you people with a diary that you actually plan stuff in – I have one too)

**30 seconds later**

"Well, I _am _extraordinarily in demand, but I think I can squeeze you in tomorrow."

In demand?

Hahahahaha – wait, I guess he is.

"For how long, Davey-boy?"

"All day?"

"What about all these other people demanding you?"

"You have top priority, KittyKat, cos I luuuurve you."

"I luuuuuuurve you too, Dave – you know you're the Hornmeister."

"Yes, the sexy Hornmeister."

"Er, no."

"Er, yes. Otherwise you wouldn't luuuuurve me."

"You're not the sexy Hornmeister, but I luuuurve you anyway cos of your laugh."

"That's good. So what do you think of Dimitri?"

Why's he asking about Dimitri?

"Dave, why are you asking about Dimitri?"

"Just wondering."

Just wondering? Okay, that's good enough for moi.

"Well, he's become bloody gorgey, hasn't he? Don't you think, Dave?"

"Er, Gee? I am a BOY. Who is not gay. Or incestuous."

"Whatever. And he's still really nice, and still my best mate, after all this time."

"I thought Jas was your best mate."

Jassy Spazzy?

…

"No, Dimitri is. We were best mates first."

"Gee? I spoke to Jas. You two were best friends before you became besties with Dimitri. He stole you off her. She's really upset, and she was then, too."

He spoke to Jas?!

"You spoke to Jassy Spazzy? Why?"

"You always speak to her."

"That's different."

"How?"

"It just is. She and I are both girls, and you're a boy."

"And? Girls can be friends with boys."

"But you and Jassy aren't friends. You don't even like her."

"She's alright. Albeit a bit nerdy."

"Well, I've got to go."

"Bye GeeGee."

_**A/N: What did you think? Was that too much speech? Should there have been a bit more description, or was it fine?**_

_**I'd love to hear your feedback, and I'm sorry it took so long to update.**_


	3. Not Dave, Rosie

_**A/N: oh my giddy God!!! I am soooo sorry!!! I feel awful. Well anyway, here you go. I'm very very very extremely awesomely sorry for leaving it so long. Anyway, this takes place in one week's time, when they're ready to say sayonara sweethearts, and leave for Lederhosen a go-go Land and Swiss-Cheese a go-go Land.**_

_**BTW, It doesn't start with many Gee-isms and doesn't start too well cos I'm so out of practise, but please, persist. It should get better. :D **_

"_But you and Jassy aren't friends. You don't even like her."_

"_She's alright. Albeit a bit nerdy."_

"_Well, I've got to go."_

"_Bye GeeGee."_

**East Midlands Airport**

**4.30 AM**

There are many things which I, Georgia Nicolson, understand perfectly: how to put on makeup nicely, how to snog, how to be a brilliant Buddhist. But one of the very few things which I do _not _understand is why we had to wake up at midnight and be at school at one in the morning to take a bus to a crappy airport Buddha knows where. I, along with everyone else, except one person whose name will not be mentioned here, am completely and utterly exhausted.

I think it would be relatively easy to guess who actually has energy. No, not Dave. Rosie.

**5 minutes later**

Rosie has managed to convince me, Dave, Dec, Ed, Jools and Mabs to do the conga up the line to check in and dump our bags.

**30 seconds later**

We are now utterly and completely in trouble and once we've put our bags through we have to sit on our own and think about how our behaviour is making the school look. In my opinion it makes us look lively and happy, but who cares, there's barely anyone here, and those here don't care who we are or what we're doing, unless we're terrorists. So whatever.

**1 hour later**

**5.33 AM**

**Sitting on plane next to Ro-Ro watching sunrise**

Ahh the sunset is vair beautiful.

**30 seconds later**

Oh hurry up stupid sun and rise already! Ro-Ro is refusing to communicate in any way, shape or form until the sun is risen.

**15 seconds later**

Sun is still in early stages of rising so, as am so vair vair bored, will go to see Dave because he is the only other person on this aircraft who has a sense of humour. Apart from Rosie, who is watching stupid sunrise. And Jools, Mabs, Dec and Rollo. But I don't feel like seeing them.

**Walking along aisle to visit Dave**

Walkey walkey walkey. Oh why are these stupid people evil-eyeing me? Not my fault they're so boring they've already got their seatbelts on. Oh here we are.

**5 seconds later**

Awwwwwwww!!!!! Davey-boy's asleep. Nawwww he's so adorable when he's snoozling. Awww. Think I will just kiss his cheek before I go back to Ro-Ro because he's so adorable.

**3 minutes later **

**Back with Rosie**

Well kissing his cheek didn't go quite to plan. I bent down to kiss his cheek and just as I got to his cheek he adjusted himself so ended up doing number 3, goodnight kiss, when, with all the kerfuffle, we're not even official snoggling partners anymore. Luckily Tom, who Dave was sitting next to, was also asleep and didn't see. But air hostess did and dragged me by the arm back to my seat claiming that the plane was just about to start moving and I needed to be in my seat and if I wanted to kiss my boyfriend so much then why wasn't I sitting next to him?

So now am sitting on my bum-oley with Ro-Ro who is in the land of bobos, watching all the lovely cluds float by.

**Half an hour later**

Dave has just walked past on his way to the piddly-diddly department. Or possible the poo-parlour division. On his way past he winked at me and dropped an aeroplane sick bag with writing on it onto my lap.

**30 seconds later**

Have just opened it:

_Dear KittyKat,_

_Thank you for the nice number 3 snog before, it really helped me in my attempt to fall asleep. You really can't resist the sexy biscuit, can you?_

_The (very very very sexy) Vati._

Oh bugger bugger and buggeration!!!!!

Dave was not, in fact, in the land of bobos, he was just trying to get there. Damnity damn damn damn and thrice _damn_.

**15 seconds later**

But I only intended to give a not-even-on-snogging-scale kiss on cheek. Will tell him this on other side of sick bag when he comes back from the piddly-diddly department or poo-parlour division.

**2 minutes later**

Dave not back yet, but air hostess with food has brought me a lobely sandwich, which am eating now.

**5 minutes later**

Dave is on his way back from poo parlour division. He seems intent on ignoring me, but am going to grab his wrist to make sure he stops.

**1 minute later**

So I grabbed Dave's wrist just as he was passing me and pulled him back to face me. He said "What, KittyKat, you want to spend even more time with me? You'll have to earn the privilege, as many girls demand time with me."

Glared at him and handed him the note, and watched him while he read it. He said "So, KittyKat, you're saying that you wouldn't have given me a number 3 if I hadn't moved my head? Yeah right, you can't resist me. I am just too sexy."

"Yes, I could."

Dave lifted my tray and plonked it on Rosie's fold-out table, ignoring my protests. He folded my table back up and sat on me. And he is not light.

"Owwww Dave what are you doing? You're heavy!!!"

He didn't say anything but put his head really close to mine, and just looked at me.

Since I am the wonderful Georgia Nicholson, I can easily resist his attempts to get me to snog him. Ea. Si. Ly.

**15 seconds later**

Oh my God. He's come closer and is grazing his lips along my cheek so lightly I'm not even sure if I'm imagining it or not. Oh my God I feel so jelloid.

Am resisting, am resisting, am resisting.

Omygiddygod'spyjamas!!! His lips are now brushing my ears, which is even more jelloid making. Oh my giddy, giddy, God. His lips are coming down my cheekbone and are now hovering just millimetres from mine. I won't give in so easily though. I won't.

**5 seconds later**

Have given in and am snogging Dave.

Have I ever said what a wonderful snogger he is?

Well he is. Vair vair jelloid making.

**5 minutes later**

He's stopped. Wait!! No stopping!!!

He's picking up the sick bag and is writing on it.

He folds it up and drops it on my lap wordlessly before going back to his seat. I unfold the sickbag and read:

_**A/N: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please review and there'll be a new chapter soon. :D I promise. :D**_


	4. Snoggity Snog Snog

_**A/N: Well, erm, I do apologise for leaving you on a cliffy, but the note isn't really anything special, I just didn't have time to write anymore so I thought I'd wait for next time. Ahaha. :D Well, enjoy!**_

_**Ohh and I'm sorry for the late update! I do apologise. I've been busy with schoolwork (which is so piled up. And I do quite a few subjects with loooong research assignments that take up time etc. Plus I've kinda gotten hooked on Draco/Ginny fanfiction. And I love Draco Malfoy. Cos he's gorgeous. Hahahahahahahahahah. OHH and we were both born on June 5, how cool is that!**_

**He's stopped. Wait! No stopping!**

**He's picking up the sick bag and is writing on it.**

**He folds it up and drops it on my lap wordlessly before going back to his seat. I unfold the sickbag and read:**

_KittyKat. _

_Guess what: You. Can't. Resist. Me._

_Did I write that slowly enough for you to comprehend? You. Can't. Resist. Me. _

_Due to the fact that I am a totally pro snogger, I am right every time. :D_

_Laugh._

_*snog snog snog snoggity snog snog.*_

Pfffft. I can resist him, he cheated anyway. And what's with the *snog snog snog snoggity snog snog*?

I'll ask Ro-Ro. She'll know. She's vair vair wise.

**1 minute later**

Have asked Ro-Ro.

Apparently it means he is virtually snogging me. Oo-er!

Well I think I'll just sit here virtually snogging the laugh as he'll never know.

**1 second later**

Or maybe he will, as he was the one who started the virtual snogging fest.

But if he can know that, then can he read all my thoughts as well?

Then he'll know I actually probably can't resist him.

Oh I don't know. Brain, you're hurting me.

**1 hour later**

**Our guest house**

How Herr Kamyer and Miss Wilson got us here without a cyclone of chaos is beyond me. Maybe it's because we're all so tired we just want to go to bed.

**5 minutes later**

**In my room assigned by the hotel. **

They don't know that the school likes to keep me and Ro-Ro apart in as much as they can and have put me in with her! YAY! It's going to be such a larf.

Room's quite cute really, I suppose. It just has two beds with an en suite and it has some paintings of some Lederhosen-a-gogo girls from hundreds of years ago in the funny little dresses. Très interesting. Well. Since we're not in Froggy-a-gogo it should be sehr, not très. Ho hum. Oh I am so vair fabby at languages.

_**A/N: Okay, so hmm, I may have written this aaaages ago and thought I'd continue it and make it longer, but I just got two reviews from the last chapter asking if I was ever going to update again, and I've realised that I actually won't unless I put up this first. Reason being, people's thoughts on what I've done help give me more ideas of what to happen next. Plus I have the flu and I'm a bit too sick to continue this chapter, so it'll have to be a little chapter all alone on its own. Anyway, I do apologise for its shortness. I look forward to your reviews, because they're what give me ideas and inspiration. **_


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